Details of a suicide note purported to have been written by Minnesota school shooter Robin Westman has been released hours after he gunned down praying children at mass on Wednesday.
The now deleted note was posted to Westman’s YouTube page before the attack on Annunciation Catholic School’s church. Hours before killing two children, aged eight and 10, and injuring at least 17 other human beings, Westman posted the video highlighting his feeling. He said he was depressed, apologized to his family and friends, said his parents had not failed and that he “was raised to be a good person,” and he suggested praying “for the victims and their families.”
The request was odd considering the sentiments he’d written on his weapons and ammunition clips, including a rifle magazine labeled, “For the children, hahahahahahaha.” He also wrote “Kill Donald Trump” and the names of other mass shooters.
“I don’t expect forgiveness and I don’t expect an apology,” the letter began. “I have to hold much weight, but to my family and those close to me, I do apologize for the effects my actions will have on your lives.
“Please know I care for all of you so much and it pains me to bring this storm of chaos into your lives.”
Westman, who was trans and had his name changed to Robin while he was still a minor with parental support, indicated that he was very unhappy in life.
He wrote, “I was corrupted by this world and have learned to hate what life is.”
“There is too much to accept, too many things to put with just to live,” the killer continued. “I’m tired of the pain this world gives out.”
He said he’d “wanted this for so long” even though school shooting “is wrong.”
“I can’t seem to stop myself,” he said. “I am not well, I am not right. I am a sad person, haunted by those things that do not go away.”
Westman said he had recently “lost all hope and decided to perform my final action against this world.”
Westman apparently thought he was dying of lung cancer, saying he “felt many pains that make me think I am past the point of recovery” and calling it a “tragic end as it’s entirely self-inflicted.”
“I did this to myself, as I cannot control myself and have been destroying my body through vaping and other means,” Westman said. “I do not want to recover – I do not want to throw my life away by rotting in a hospital bed. I don’t want the rest of my life to be as a cancer patient, in and out of hospitals, constantly being fretted about with people afraid to be too happy around me.
“F*** that! I want to go out on my own means” (which apparently included terrorizing children).
Westman said, “Unfortunately, due to my depression, anger and twisted mind, I want to fulfill a final act that has been in the back of my head for years.”
Westman said his parents should “please move on and continue to give your love to my brothers and sisters and to the rest of the world. Forget my life and the pain I’ve brought.”
He suggested that his siblings may want to change their names.
Westman ended the note telling his loved ones to “find hope, find love and stand up to injustice.”
In another writing, the Daily Mail reports that Westman appeared to be struggling with gender identity, writing that he doesn’t “want to dress girly all the time but I guess sometimes I really like it.”
“I know I am not a woman but I definitely don’t feel like a man,” he sad. “I really like my outfit. I look pretty, smart and modest. I think I want to wear something like this for my shooting.”
