KEY HIGHLIGHTS: Here are Trump’s best zingers as he mocks Harris’ absence at annual Catholic charity dinner

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From Fox News: Former President Donald Trump took the dais at the 79th Alfred E. Smith Memorial Foundation Dinner on Thursday evening, cracking jokes and taking shots at Vice President Kamala Harris for skipping the bipartisan political event that typically adds a bit of levity to the campaign trail each presidential election cycle.

“If you really wanted Vice President Harris to accept your invitation, I guess you should have told her the funds were going to bail out the looters and rioters in Minneapolis, and she would have been here, guaranteed. She would have been guaranteed,” Trump quipped of Harris’ absence on Thursday, citing her promotion of a bail fund during the riots of 2020.

Trump and former first lady Melania Trump were welcomed to the event just after 8 p.m., with Trump shaking hands with other high-profile guests, including Speaker of the House Mike Johnson. Comedian Jim Gaffigan served as the emcee of this year’s dinner.

Fox News explained in a separate report: Harris is the first presidential candidate in 40 years, outside of 2020’s virtual dinner during the pandemic, to not physically attend the Catholic charity event. Failed Democratic presidential candidate Walter Mondale in 1984 was the last nominee to skip the event. 

In the opening remarks, when it was mentioned that Harris could not be there in person, boos were heard from the crowd.

Trump and former First Lady Melania Trump were graciously welcomed and applauded. WATCH:

Trump joked that it was nice being able to attend an event in New York that didn’t come with a subpoena.

The crowd broke into wild applause when he noted that it was very disrespectful to the Catholic community for Harris to skip the event.

“The last Democrat not to attend this important event was Walter Mondale, and it did not go too well for him. He lost 49 states and won one – Minnesota, Trump quipped.

The audience erupted in laughs and cheers when Trump mocked Harris for bailing out looters and rioters.

In another joke about Harris, Trump said, “I must say I was shocked when I heard that Kamala was skipping the Al Smith dinner…. she is busy getting communion from Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer.”

In a clever line which first implied Trump was speaking about Joe Biden, he then flipped it and revealed he was speaking about Kamala Harris.

“The fact is, we need new leadership in this country. Right now we have someone in the White House who can barely talk, barely put together two coherent sentences, who seems to have the mental faculties of a child… But enough about Kamala Harris,” he quipped.

“I know Kamala is worried because she spends a lot of time complaining I won’t agree to another debate. But the truth is, I’ve debated twice this year. Once against Joe Biden and once against David Muir,” Trump joked, referring to the debate where he had to go against not only Harris, but the ABC moderators as well.

“There’s a group called “White Dudes for Harris”… but I’m not worried about them at all, because their wives and their wives’ lovers are all voting for me,” he said, as the room roared with laughter.

Taking a shot at one of the scandals surrounding Harris’ husband, Doug Emhoff, Trump said, “A major issue in this race is childcare, and Kamala has put forward a concept of a plan… The only piece of advice I would have for her in the event she wins would be not to let husband Doug anywhere near the nannies.”

“I hear that Kamala and her husband carve out some really beautiful alone time at the end of the day for an intimate dinner. Just Doug, her, and the teleprompter,” Trump joked.

Trump roasted Harris’ running mate, Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz, who has been caught in a number of false claims, including embellishing his military record.

“I’d like to thank our M.C. this evening, Jim Gaffigan. Most recently, Jim has been playing Tim Walz on Saturday Night Live. That’ll be a very short gig, Jim, but it was fun while it lasted!… Unfortunately, Governor Walz isn’t here himself. But don’t worry, he’ll say that he was,” Trump said.

Referring to a bill Walz signed in Minnesota requiring tampons to be placed in boys’ bathrooms in public schools, Trump said, “I used to think Democrats were crazy for saying that men have periods. But then I met Tim Walz.”

Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, the Democrat leader from New York who has never hidden his dislike for Trump, was seated next to the podium.

Trump didn’t let him off the hook, joking, “Chuck Schumer is here looking very glum — But look on the bright side, Chuck, considering how woke your party has become, if Kamala loses, you still have a chance to become the first woman president.”

“The stupid show, the View is so bad now, that the other day I was watching it and thinking to myself, ‘They need to bring Rosie O’Donnell back,'” Trump said.

New York City Mayor Eric Adams, who was recently indicted for conspiring with the Turkish government to receive illegal foreign campaign contributions, became the butt of another joke.

“I’d like to poke some fun at Eric Adams — The mayor’s dietary restrictions are well known. But I’ve got to say, I’ve never met a person who’s a vegan who liked Turkey so much,” Trump quipped.

“Well, I had better wrap up, because Mayor Adams told me earlier that I needed to make this one very quick… the city has reserved this room for a large group of illegal aliens coming in from Texas,” Trump added, mocking Adams for spending taxpayer money to host illegal aliens in hotels all across the city.

Trump also took a brutal jab at former NYC Mayor Bill de Blasio. WATCH:

Turning serious, Trump said, “To the Mayor and the Governor, if I have the honor to be elected next month — I look forward to working together to make this city greater than ever before.”

On another serious note, Trump said, “I actually thought about not doing jokes tonight. There’s nothing funny about what’s happening to our country… These are challenging times for the beautiful U.S.A.—but I am committed to working with every partner, here in New York and all across the nation, to build an America that is once again strong, safe, proud, prosperous and free.”

Wrapping it up, Trump said, “Tradition holds that I’m supposed to tell a few self-deprecating jokes this evening. So here it goes…. Nope! I’ve got nothing. I’ve got nothing. There’s nothing to say!”

The crowed erupted in laughter, then he added the punchline: “I guess I just don’t see the point of taking shots at myself when other people have been shooting at me for a hell of a long time.”

“Having recently survived two assassination attempts… I have a fresh appreciation of how blessed we are by God’s Providence and His divine mercy…. I was not supposed to be here tonight… With God’s help, I know there is nothing that cannot be achieved,” Trump added.

Below is Trump’s full speech at the Al Smith dinner Thursday night:

Trump advisor Stephen Miller wrote afterwards, “That was the single best comedy performance of ANY president or candidate for president in history. But what made his comedy set even more extraordinary was that the jokes were *politically* devastating for Kamala. He absolutely crushed the Democrats tonight. Just crushed them.”

CNN’s Brian Stelter actually praised Trump’s speech:

The Trump War Room posted one epic photo from the event, as Trump stands at the lectern while Schumer scowls in his seat.

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